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MY
JOURNEY TO BEING A
HEALING ARTIST
How
Dollmaking has been Transforming and Healing
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Dolls have always been a part of my life. In my childhood I was
often gifted with a new one every Christmas, along with handmade doll
clothes from my paternal grandmother. My mother made a Betsy McCall doll
with clothes for me one year.
Dolls were a collection that I played with, dressing and redressing
and then putting on display.
Many people in my family made art and crafts. My grandmother was a seamstress; my mother did a variety of
needle arts; and my father was always making things out of wood.
I loved the visual art; I
painted murals for school plays, musical productions and dances. After
one year in college, focusing on art, I entered the work world and
spent over twenty years in the fields of engineering drafting, graphic
arts, advertising, and print and multi-media production. During this
career time the closest thing I did to creating dolls was making my own
clothes. My career as a professional graphic artist shifted focus with
the birth of my children in the early eighties. I spent my time
creating art with my son and daughter and encouraging them to express
themselves, at the same time never owning my creative life nor speaking
the words “I am an artist”.
The beginnings of my journey of creative recovery began when I
exposed myself to people who saw my creative potential and encouraged me
to take creative risks. This journey involved taking small creative
risks and being gently mentored and nudged to take more.
Each creative step sparked my curiosity and led me to want to know
about creativity and myself. I noticed that when I would do art with my
children I would give them permission to be creative, to take risks and
find out “what happens if”.
I was beginning to give myself the same permission.
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My first
creative ventures were designing the art for a game called Up and Down
with Feelings and Feeling Paper Dolls. I taught parenting classes and
volunteered for the Mental Health Association helping design a
curriculum about children’s self-esteem. In
1989 I created a set of characters to teach my children about emotional
communication. They were called The Endangered Feelings Animals (Angerilla,
Crynoceros, Trifearatops and Happypotomus) and later the designs took
the form of puppets. I also created some other little soft sculpture
dolls called Numbfull and The Fulls (Tearfull, Fearfull, Ragefull and
Joyfull) |
Initially I used my creations with my children. I found having a doll or
puppet a useful, non-threatening tool to educate and transform
beliefs and situations. Not
soon after their conception I began to sew copies of the characters
for school social workers, teachers and therapists. As I made each of
these soft sculptures I noticed that I would work through my
feelings….anger issues when making Angerilla, grief with Crynoceros.
I realized that making art changed my emotional state.
I
also noticed that I could transfer a feeling from inside to outside of me
and have a dialog with it.
Conversations with the characters with others would bring about a
discussion about feelings. I
witnessed
that many people stuffed their feelings and had never learned how to
talk about feelings, as well as their
creativity. This was the beginning of my realization that art could be
used as an instrument for change and
growth. These characters were my first healing dolls. Along this journey there were a variety of experiences that convinced me
of the healing power of visual
metaphor. This was reinforced in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnosis
training; classes I taught in
parenting, self-esteem, emotional intelligence, creativity and my study of
psychology and art therapy. |
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My focus on dollmaking began with the discovery of
the book MOTHER PLAYS WITH DOLLS by elinor peace bailey. www.epbdolls.com.
Elinor’s book filled up my creative void brought
about by mass-producing set after
set of feeling characters. I knew my creations were making a difference in
children’s lives, but they were
draining me of vital energy. I
read elinor’s book in one evening. Her discussion of a psychological
theory
called transactional analysis connected to the theory I studied and taught
in parenting classes and used with
my family and self. I read, |
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elinor peace bailey
Brenna Busse
Bundles Like Burdens, Bundles as Gifts
Wisdom of the Grandmothers
Strawberry Root Doll
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I
have used the doll as a tool to free my personality. Dolls have enormous potential for amusing their makers and, in the process, for
offering insight. Something
so benign can take the danger out of imagining. Playing with dolls is a safe way to explore change and make
discoveries; and play, after all, is the very center of the
creative act.
I
wrote a letter to elinor grateful for the book and her inspiration. She
called me several days later.
When I asked her what I should do about my exhaustion with making the
puppets she said, “If you’re tired of doing them, stop.
Something else will open up.”
It wasn’t long after that I witnessed
my first show of art dolls, met the artist and gave myself permission to
try out this art form.
I began by imitating other dollmakers’ work.
The dolls of Brenna Busse of Minneapolis spoke to me, so I imitated
her style of wrapping and embellishment with clay faces. Wisdom of the
Grandmothers was my first doll. I used my husband’s interest in the
Southwest to inspire me. These
dolls had simple cloth bodies wrapped in torn fabric
and faces made out of polymer clay.
Six months after the opening of this new door came
two invitations.
Maureen Carlson invited me to be part of a new doll group she
was starting. This later was
to become The Stonesoup Dollmakers
of Minneapolis. I was also
invited to submit slides for a doll show offered by The Urban Dollmakers
(Minneapolis/St. Paul). I
joined
the group and got into the show. I was building confidence and developing a style.
The next major influence to my work was Mother Earth.
While walking through my backyard garden I came across a
strawberry root. I
gently pulled it from the earth, washed it off and quickly saw a doll
taking shape. I put a small
polymer clay face on it, wrapped it in a variety of colorful fibers,
put some lamb’s wool for hair, attached a bell and she was
complete. The root
theme inspired me for three years. Each fall I would harvest roots, wash them and hang them
up to dry on the clothesline. I’m
sure the neighbors questioned my sanity. I made hundreds of root/Mother Earth dolls during this period in my
creative life, each with a root incorporated in the body, usually
coming out of her head.
The next inspiration and mentor came in the form of Clarissa Pinkola Estes’
book WOMEN WHO RUN WITH WOLVES.
Each story, along with Estes’ wisdom about the wild woman fed my
creative spirit and inspired more dolls.
The story of The Doll in Her Pocket: Vasalisa the Wise
deepened my work and my relationship with myself.
This is a story about infusing women with the Wild Woman’s
primary instinctual power, intuition.
Estes says that,
“Dolls
are one of the symbolic treasures of the instinctual nature. For centuries
humans have felt that dolls emanate both a holiness and mana – an
awesome and compelling prescience which acts upon persons, changing them
spiritually.
Dolls are believed to be infused with life by their makers.
They are used as markers of authority and talismans to remind one
of one’s own power."
In the story the relationship between the doll
and Vasalisa symbolizes a form of empathic magic between woman and
her intuition. I knew
for sure that I was on the right path and that the dolls I
created symbolized my connection with my intuition, my power and myself. I
created a doll that represented BabaYaga because she represented letting go of
“the good little girl” and the discovery of my Wild Women. The Wild Woman
within me symbolized actively living with my creative power and my wild
nature, in my own way.
It meant that I could continue to learn and grow and
be able to live and stand in the truth of my life. Many of my dolls at this time
had big mouths and lips, symbolizing speaking my truth and the discovery of
my voice.
BabaYaga had roots coming out of her head, along with
sage. There are symbols from
the story incorporated in her. I
used the colors of the deep earth –browns, deep reds, oranges and
blacks. She carries chicken
feet from Baba’s house. The
skeleton symbolizes death Birth
cycle. Estes says, “The doll and the Yaga are the wild mothers of all
women; they provide the penetrating intuitive gifts
from the personal level as well as the divine.”
Making Baba invited me to work more deeply. I started to combine
using what I had learned about emotion while making and working with my
feeling characters and what I was learning about symbols and metaphors to
make my dolls. I started to dig deeper to unearth lost parts and
shadow aspects of myself.
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Baba Yaga
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Shame On Me
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Dreamer
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The
next step on my path was infused with creative energy. I was making two to
three dolls a week, along while making the small sets of feeling
characters -- Numbfull and The Fulls. I decided that my interest in Jungian
psychology sparked by reading Estes' Wolves book was a deeper interest in
psychology in general and more specifically, art therapy. I began
taking classes at a local community collage, paying for it by making sets
of The Fulls.
My dollmaking led me into deep, inner territory that
helped me to work through pain and loss issues such as shame and grief. At
the same time I was learning about women's' developmental stages. There
was an awakening happening within me. I was becoming conscious of
disempowering messages that my education, family, culture and media used
to define what it meant to be a woman. I was 48 years old and my daughter
was an adolescent and it seemed we both were struggling with the same
issues of identity and power. I wondered, "Who am I now?"
While reawakening lost parts of myself through my
dolls I came across an assortment of books whose authors' words mentored
me and supported what I was beginning to believe about the work I was
doing:
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YOUR
GOLDEN SHADOW:
Discovering
and Fulfilling Your Undeveloped Self
by William Miller.
The shadow is the part of ourselves associated with all that is negative
in us and we try to avoid. Miller
point out, it also contains “gold” and can bring us much satisfaction
if we take the time to work with it. He says “ we are powerless to deal
with it until we make it conscious … . Our task is to reconcile the
opposites that we discover – to somehow bring the persona trait and
it’s opposite shadow trait together
into a new entity.” This
was what my dollmaking was doing for me. My creative work was changing my
self-perception and helping me deal with conflicts and problems in new
ways. Each doll was opening me up to new possibilities; helping me to
become whole and find greater fulfillment in life.
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NO ENEMIES WITHIN:
A Creative Process for Discovering What's Right About What's Wrong
by Dawna Markova
A book about turning shadow aspects into allies. She
says,
“Every soul is born with something to give,
something to experience and something to learn. There is a creative force at the very center of each of our beings – a flow of energy, pushing, stretching, and
demanding to be transformed into the world. No matter what challenge we
face, be it of body, heart, or soul, the first stage of healing is
withdrawal into ourselves."
We have to learn to switch our allegiance, from being loyal to outside
people, situations and toxic substances, to becoming loyally committed to
finding the things that nurture the sacredness in us, silencing the tired,
old voices in our heads that moan about how selfish and inappropriate we
are being. The truth needs to be given voice and image and movement.”
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Dollmaking was becoming the medicine my soul needed to mend.
The thought of taking it out of my life was inconceivable.
Making my dolls gave me a home, a path, a purpose.
I knew that as I created my dolls I was healing.
Others authors that influenced my growth were Julia Cameron
(THE ARTIST WAY); art therapists Janie Rhyne, Pam Allen,
Bruce Moon
and Shaun McNiff.
I
had set a goal of getting my Bachelor of Arts degree at age 50.
I had two classes remaining and I decided to take the writing
class. The big
assignment was to choose a subject I was interested in, research it
and produce an academic paper.
I chose dollmaking from a personal growth and healing
position. I loved doing
the research and discovering evidence to support my belief that
making dolls could be healing.
The outcome was a small book based on my own process of
dollmaking called THE DOLLMAKING
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| CIRCLE: A Process of Personal
Growth and Healing. My
thesis was that the act of making a
doll could take the dollmaker through a process of creative
imagination, healing and growth.
I identified The Dollmaking Circle as an unending circular
process similar to the Native American Medicine Wheel.
I believed that this process invited and encouraged a person
to explore their range of perception through the dolls that they
made and in doing so would reach a deeper level of understanding of
themselves. My teacher
suggested that I publish it and offered his assistance.
I wondered if it could be possible.
I graduated with a BA in psychology in 1999 at the age of 50,
as planned. One Friday
evening during a meeting with the Stonesoup Dollmakers, I showed my
friend, Maureen Carlson, the circle and she invited me to facilitate
it at her creativity center in Jordan, Minnesota. This was the
beginning of my teaching others what I believed was
possible…making a doll could create change and growth in the
dollmaker.
As a taught the circle and other dollmaking classes my
interest deepened even further into the subject of
psychoneuroimmunology – the study of body-mind healing using
images, specifically visualization.
I knew that civilizations through the ages have
created figures in their own image because they believed that these
“dolls” held symbolic meaning and supernatural influence. My
research informed me that religious fetishes and totems –dolls -
served important purposes in religious ritual and play, as contact
points to the inner and the unknown.
These first dollmakers believed that their lifelike creations
were tied to having and controlling life.
I wondered if the dolls I was creating were similar to these
” healing dolls”. |
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Digesting My Life
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I tested
out my theory by making a doll focusing on healing an imbalance in my
digestive tract. I cut some
branches from a curly willow and positioned into an interesting body
shape. I wrapped the shape with batting and then a deep purple
fabric. After doing research
on the organs of the digestive system I applicated the shape in the proper
positions on the torso. I
then put orange beads following the lines of the meridians – energy
pathways. On the back of the
body I put a symbol for the spine, knowing that all nerves in the body
connect there. Her face was
made with Model Magic with a veil over it symbolizing going within; then
some multi colored hair representing connection with the mind and I
thought she was done. My
intuitive voice kept telling me to put a yellow snake wrapped around her,
I listened, forming an abstract snake and wrapped it around the torso.
Days later I would read in Jeanne Achterberg’s book, IMAGERY IN
HEALING, that a yellow snake represents women’s’ healing power. As far
as I was concerned this supported my theory.
When we are ill with a physical or mental problem or
when we need to grow, we start to heal ourselves with art by opening
ourselves up to our inner voices of change. We allow ourselves to listen
to those voices and to let their messages to us emerge. The yellow snake
was my message – trust my body to guide me.
The doll stood as a reminder to take care of my body, to choose food
that was healthy and nourishing for me.
Even as she hangs on my wall now she is a symbol of how a digest
life and that my intuition is a powerful guide in my creative process.
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Honoring Herself
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My house was filling up with dolls.
Every wall was
covered with them. My
husband suggested
that I have a show.
I found a friend who made
fabulous, quilts and proposed we show our work
together. Most of my dolls sold.
People who
attended the talked to me about the meaning the
dolls had for them. I knew the dolls meant
something to me but I did not realize they might
have a universal message.
I began to get commissions for my work. Others
wanted to know how to make the dolls. I was
excited about the responses to my work. Fear
moved in. I
contacted elinor peace bailey. I asked
her if she had any thoughts about where I might go
next. She said,
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| I hear your hunger to push your ideas and find
new limits. That is the
stream from which you will find spiritual nourishment, never cease
to do that. Do not let
your present success own you and keep you where you are.
Get a real job before you do that.
Second, if you teach, teach with everything you have, and
hold back nothing, or do not teach at all.
If you are continually in search for new and fresh ideas,
there is nothing to fear in the classroom.
Your students can imitate your style but they cannot be you.
That is your job, and it is dynamic, not static.
As for marketing your work, make sure that you know all any
rep might know about HOW and TO WHOM and HOW MUCH. That way you need
never be dependant on someone else to do what you will always do
best and with the greatest passion…elinor peace bailey
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First Moon
Winter Solstice
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So my inner work that came through my dollmaking became my
outer work of teaching others dollmaking and creating
commissioned dolls for others.
Each person I taught and each doll I created led me to
learn more about myself. My healing path had taken me into the
community.
I had been told as a child that I was overly sensitive.
I remember I was one to get my feelings hurt easily and
wanting to hide away in the safety of my room full of dolls
and my crayons and coloring books.
My dollmaking had helped me get in touch with this
sensitivity and I was becoming more sensitive and intuitive
with each doll I created, especially when making a healing
doll for another. The
people who commissioned a doll were surprised when I would
unconsciously put a symbol on their doll that connected with
some aspect of their life.
I
put ruby slippers on a doll for a woman who collected them; a
mirror for someone reflecting on a deep aspect of herself; a
favorite color or symbol. I was getting so much psychic
information on the person for whom the doll was intended that
I decided I needed to control how much inspiration I wanted
coming in. I also needed to protect myself. I became aware
that my way of understanding another’s issue was to take it
into my body to experience how it feels, and through that
feeling create a visual metaphor.
This was creating problems for me in the form
of exhaustion and overwhelm.
I created a list of ten
questions that the person receiving the doll would
answer. This
helped contain my creative energies
and helped to refine my focus.
I decided that it
was important to get permission from the person
for whom the doll was intended before making a
doll for them. I believed that a healing doll for
another was a collaborative effort between
the
healing artist and the person desiring healing.
When I made contact with the person for whom the doll
was for I received intuitive inspiration and I became
part of a supportive group of people
focusing on an individual’s healing process.
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I also realized that making
healing art for others was bringing up my own healing
issues. If
I were to continue doing this work it was going to be
important to take good care of my body, mind and spirit.
This meant getting bodywork, working through some
old issues with a therapist and make my own healing
dolls. As with all healing work, one thing leads to
another and my art was leading to a personal healing
issue that would challenge what I believed about my
work.
In 1999 I began to experience pain in my left
hip. At first the pain was sporadic enough
to ignore. But a year later when it
worsened I reluctantly went to see an orthopedist.
The diagnosis: early arthritis and a hip joint
abnormality. Surgery was recommended – without
it I would need daily medication and eventually would
require a cane. My first response was denial. I didn't want to
think this was possible. I refused surgery and turned to
alternative therapies, like acupuncture, chiropractic
and massage and my art for relief. My
dollmaking was my sanity; it took my focus away from the
pain and put it on my dolls.
My pain persisted when I moved. When my leg began to
give out a year later, I consulted a hip specialist in
Minneapolis, who concurred with the original diagnosis
and recommended surgery. I reluctantly scheduled
the operation for December 2000.
 Then a surprising thing
happened. A few days after scheduling my surgery,
still apprehensive about it, I attended a dollmaking
party to make dolls for Halloween. I fashioned a 20-inch
figure out of sticks and painted them. I wrapped her in
a crimson fabric, beaded with copper beads, topped her head
with a halo of dill weed and and deep red raffia hair. When
the figure was complete, I held it up and noticed that its
left hip jutted out. Almost immediately a flood of
relief came over me and anguish over my own hip faded
away. The physical pain was still there, but I felt at
complete ease with my decision to have the hip replaced.
I felt like it was a wake-up call; a sign from my intuition
that this was the right healing decision. I could let go of
the stress. I moved the surgery up a month.
My surgery was a success and was followed by six weeks of
rehabilitation. To help recover I made twenty small dolls. I
began the healing process the day I made the red-haired doll
with the protruding hip and the making of each small doll
during my recovery helped speed my healing process.
In July of 2002 the story of my healing
process was published in Natural Health
magazine. In the article Shaun McNiff, Ph.D., art
therapist, said,
“That doll making
helped her deal with
her physical pain is not as far-fetched as it
sounds. The relationship between art and healing
has been around forever.”
The experts quoted in the article said that
making dolls could be healing for variety of
reasons. Simply having fun doing a creative
project brings about healing. Others said
that creativity improves health by providing
spiritual comfort and relieving stress. Most
creativity experts agree that using the arts to
express yourself releases emotions, which aids
physical healing. “Creativity does
something that words can't do, and people report
that it's powerful," said McNiff.
The
act of making a doll can take you through a
process of creative imagination, healing and
growth. I
am a dollmaker who makes one-of-a-kind art dolls
and healing dolls. I believe the dollmaking
process invites and encourages you to explore your
range of perception and in doing so reach a deeper
level of understanding of yourself.
This
creative process has contributed to my confidence
in my art and myself. I have used my dollmaking to nurture my creative self and
work through issues from the past and present.
I have released my numbed out feelings and
put them into doll form.
The dolls I’ve created have served as
symbols for my life lessons and have impacted and
inspired those that
view them.
MY BIO/RESUME
ARTIST
STATEMENT
©Kobe 2009
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